28-year-old almost lets cousin borrow heirloom necklace as "something old" for her wedding, backtracks when bride-to-be lets slip that she actually wants to keep it permanently: "It should have been mine all along"

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  • 01

    AITA refusing give my late aunt's heirloom necklace her daughter?

    "She said it should have been hers all along, since it belonged to her mother."
  • 02
    My aunt passed away a few years ago, and before she did, she gave me (27F) a beautiful antique necklace that had been in our family for generations. She told me she wanted me to have it because we were extremely close. She knew I'd treasure it, and I have ever since.
  • 03
    Now her daughter, Lily (29F) is getting married, and last week she asked if she could borrow the necklace as her "something old." I said yes at first, because I thought it was just for the wedding day. But then she casually mentioned that she actually wanted to keep it permanently.
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    Cheezburger Image 10469106688
  • 05
    I was confused and asked what she meant, and she said it should have been hers all along, since it belonged to her mother. She said it was unfair that I had it instead of her, and that she deserved it more because she is her daughter.
  • 06
    I told her, "I thought you just wanted to borrow it. Aunt gave this to me because she wanted me to have it. I'm not giving it away."
  • 07
    Now my mom and a few relatives are saying I should just give it to her because it was her mom's and it would mean a lot to her on her wedding day. But to me, this isn't just some family heirloom. It was a gift meant for me.
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    Cheezburger Image 10469106176
  • 09
    I understand why she wants it, but my aunt had her reasons for giving it to me. I don't think I should be guilted into handing it over just because Lily suddenly decided she wants it now.
  • 10
    notthedefaultname NTA. Your aunt choose to give it to you. She could've choose to save it for her daughter if she wanted to do that instead.
  • 11
    As lovely as it would be to lend it for the ceremony, I would be really cautious since she's indicated wanting to keep it and other family members are weighing in. Loaning it for her wedding will make it even more sentimental for your cousin as her wedding jewelry, and she my try to frame it to relatives as you having gifted it to her.
  • 12
    You also don't want to go to court over a heirloom if she doesn't give it back, especially since you likely don't have documents around the gift, and even if you win you may only be awarded a judgment telling
  • 13
    her to pay you the value. Which means you possibly could only try to enforce her paying you money not actually giving the sentimental items back, all while tearing part your family because of the court case.
  • 14
    Remember, keeping an item your aunt gifted isn't you making problems. It's her asking you to give up your possession and not taking no for an answer that's causing family drama.
  • 15
    Hot_Explorer_3684 OP That's my worry too. It's not about being petty. It's about protecting what my aunt gave me. I know Lily's upset, but her trying to take it permanently
  • 16
    is crossing a line. And you're right, if I just hand it over now, it could be framed as me giving it to her. That would be a mess if I ever wanted it back. I'm just trying to avoid making things more complicated.
  • 17
    fidelises Cousin is also 2 years older than OP, so it's not like aunt didn't give it to her daughter because she was so young. Aunt chose to give it to her niece and cousin has no claim. NTA
  • 18
    tholmes777 Agreed I would also ask OP if the Aunt left her anything else at all, or was the necklace being given away ahead of time to ensure that anything got to her? Because we know Lily will get the
  • 19
    lion's share of jewelry and furniture and keepsakes, if she hasn't gotten them already. This might have been purposefully done by your Aunt to make sure her necklace is cared for.
  • 20
    nackle09 NTA, i wouldn't let her borrow it cause she will "misplace it" and you will never see it again.
  • 21
    Irish_Eyes Dublin Agree completely and make sure you lock it away so none of your relatives have access to give it to her.
  • 22
    Hot_Explorer_3684 OP Also that. I'm afraid it will get lost.
  • 23
    NonConformist Flmingo It won't get lost. It'll get "misplaced" directly into Lily's jewelry box.
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    Cheezburger Image 10469106432
  • 25
    LousView NTA. Good luck standing your ground on this one, I hope you keep it. Sounds precious to you x
  • 26
    Hot_Explorer_3684 OP She gave it to me, not Lily. I'm sure she didn't mistake me for Lily. And yes, it means so much to me. It reminds me of her.
  • 27
    mlc885 NTA You can't lend something to someone who has already decided that it belongs to them. A similar thing has been posted before and the answer was safe deposit box. Then it doesn't matter if relatives think she should have it, they have to trick the bank to get it.
  • 28
    An actual safe in your home that only you know the combination to might be the better option since safe deposit boxes are apparently going out of style. Expensive, but the biggest worry is that you forget or it breaks and nobody can get at it unless you pay to have the lock drilled.
  • 29
    Kate2205 NTA. If you give it to her you will never see it again. And make sure that nobody else has access. If your mom or relatives get their hands on it they will give it to her.
  • 30
    Final_Salamander8588 NTA. You keep your necklace. Your aunt gave it to you personally because she wanted you to have it. Don't be manipulated. I wouldn't advise even loaning it.
  • 31
    NTA Park_yeunjee Saying your aunt gave you a family heirloom OUT OF POLITENESS of all things is probably the most absurd thing I heard this week, it's a family heirloom, not a five dollar accessory one gifts to a child.
  • 32
    Keep your necklace, since when do we let entitled. family members steal priceless things from us just to keep the peace? Your aunt was a grown woman, if she wanted her daughter to have it she would have left it to her, and with that kind of attitude it's no wonder she hasn't.

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